Letters.

Missives from the writing life.

Volume 1, Issue 3
June 9, 2026

How a search for “headphones” in my Photos app turned into me cutting off all my hair

A month or so ago I typed “headphones” into the search bar in my iPhone’s photo library. I was looking for one of my favorite pictures of myself, taken in May 1986.

The Photos app failed to produce it, but it did serve up a selfie from May 2020. In it my hair, much shorter than its current state, was held back by the Beats on-ear headphones that I swore were secretly designed as a torture device because of how badly they hurt the top of my head.

I immediately forgot my quest for the headphone photo of my toddlerhood, opened my Calendar app, and typed “haircut” into its search bar. My next appointment was weeks—weeks!—away. How could I wait that long to regain my 2020-self’s hair? To distract myself, I bought seven bandanas because I anticipated becoming a bandana person post-haircut.

This was a lot of urgency for someone who’d spent the past couple years asking my stylist to “just clean up the ends and keep the length.” Who’d insisted long hair was easier because I could keep it in braids for travel and sports. I’d suspected it was time to get out of my rut for the past few haircuts but I couldn’t pull the trigger. No amount of logic or conscious thought can influence my hairstyle. When the time comes, I just know.

I wish I could *just know* about everything in my life. For reasons that could fill several episodes of a therapy podcast, I often struggle to get in touch with my instincts. Journaling about a stalled writing project recently, I underlined the phrase, “what do I WANT?” Not how do I restart the project, how do I finish it, am I capable of making it good, or even *should* I finish it. Do I *want* to finish it.

I’m still not sure I know. I’m hoping a trip to the beach with my best friend and a deck of Tarot cards this week will help me figure it out.

When I returned from my hair appointment I snapped a selfie wearing one of my new bandanas. Even though the cut hadn’t yet fully settled in, it felt light and perfect. Exactly what I needed.

As I get older I’m working to make more of life feel like my hair. I want to trust my gut and quit trying to figure everything out. It’s a process, and it’s not always as easy as paving the way with seven new bandanas. But I’m heading into summer feeling unburdened—literally and figuratively—of the baggage of the last three years. Last time I had a short hairstyle like this I was celebrating the publication of a new book. Maybe my subconscious is trying to tell me something!

Photo: Skyler Cole

In any case, I appreciated this reminder from the universe that I can think all day and still feel lost, but everything feels clearer when I listen to my instincts.

Stay tuned next time for a postcard from writing at the beach, then maybe (finally) a little more about my writing class in New York.

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