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I spent last weekend at the beach celebrating a dear friend’s fortieth birthday. It was beautiful and magical and restorative. Also, a lot.
On my second morning there I woke up tired and headachy. Then I went to the local gym.
Before I left I thought, maybe I should join the rest of the group, or take it easy because of my head, or just skip the gym because who goes to the gym on vacation?
But I felt a tiny spark. Maybe it was my intuition telling me I’d be glad I went and a little regretful if I didn’t. So I decided to take some medication for my headache and follow the spark.
Here’s what happened: I had a nice workout. I sweat a lot and drank a lot of water. My headache got better, not worse. I felt happy and free and strong. When I rejoined the group afterward, I had the loveliest day. I felt regulated and peaceful and connected to the women around me. Not anxious, keyed up, or exhausted.
Who knows how much my hour and a half at the gym contributed to this. I suspect it contributed a lot.
I say I like going to the gym and working out, but what I really mean is I like *being* there. I enjoy my little lifting routine in the moment, and I like how I feel and who I am afterward.
As virtuous as that sounds, it feels important to note that my morning began with reluctance. My resistance to *going* — making the choices and doing the things to get myself there — felt much bigger and louder than the tiny spark telling me to go. I had to pause and pay attention to that quieter voice in the background.
So much of our most valuable work is like this. Texting a friend we haven’t heard from in a while is like this. Cooking dinner is like this. Writing a book is like this.
Yes, yes, there are days when these things come easily, with enthusiasm. Those days are great. Most days are like my gym morning. There are more reasons, easier reasons, to avoid the thing than to put one foot before the other and do it.
I haven’t always had a good ear for my inner voice. I’ve turned away from that little spark of inspiration many times. It is a lifelong project, to learn to do better by myself.
But when I do it right — when I tend to the little spark, acknowledge the wisdom of my intuition — that is when I feel most myself. Most at peace. Most regulated and clearheaded and open to the world around me.
Next time you catch a glimpse of a spark, what if you follow it and see where it leads?
xoxo,
P.S. I always consider it a good omen when rain comes as I leave the beach. It means I've had the time I was supposed to have.
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